I sit next to the radiator in my room and there’s a cold chill from the window stroking the tops of my hands. It feels like home. Everything. The smells, the comfort, the peace. There was a time when we would come here once a year, if not twice. I feel melancholy here sometimes. It was always one of the only times we were all together as a family. The ferme has seven cosy rooms in each of which I have clear memories. The last time I stayed in this particular room I was fourteen. I remembering having a white hoody, speckled with colourful stars. I remember learning to snowboard with Filly, the early morning lessons followed by meeting dad at the bottom of the slope. Always thoughtful, he’d give me a Mars bar and we’d make our way to meet the rest of the family. We often met at Rossetaz and I’d always get a nutella crepe before clambering into the snow-covered woodland to play on the side of the slope with my brothers.
I remember sitting on the hidden-away chair in the lounge, tucked away, reading. We used to drink Shirley Temples and hot chocolates relentlessly and traipse after the staff longingly, who were like fun older siblings we wanted to spend time with. I remember watching films in my room: Charlotte Grey, the Shawshank Redemption, Braveheart. I remember the games we played: trivial pursuit, uno and the survival game. For a couple of years we used to smoke on the chair lifts, mainly because we could. I’ve always felt free in these mountains.
I was supposed to leave on Tuesday morning. I felt melancholy and angsty reflecting about leaving so I decided to stay an extra day and I’m so glad. Trier is lonely compared to here and I find it hard to be uprooted so quickly. The snow is completely magical unlike in previous years. It’s like a blanket of bliss: still, silent and inspiring. The light in the chalet transports you into a sepia-toned world, it makes you pensive.
I was so happy to be here with Izzy. I would have felt lonely without her. It’s funny to think how miserable I was last time I was here. I guess it’s a lonely life and we’re all just looking for someone else, maybe that’s why I’ve been bitter with those who I’ve expected to alleviate that loneliness, not that it’s their duty. Sometimes I wish I had someone to run up the mountains with but I also feel completely invincible. Maybe it’s just a lonely day and maybe this is just part of being human.